WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
