Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
