I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So vagazzling was a success
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