Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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