It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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