i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize