I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
