Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize