Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
