I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
