Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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