There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize