Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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