and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.