You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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