Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
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I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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