you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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