If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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