I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
ugly people sure do ruin things
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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