My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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