Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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