We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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