btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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