Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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