just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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