Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize