I wanna bring you to show and tell
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
