Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
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It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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