i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
