bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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