Apparently you make a good broom.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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