You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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