we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
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I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
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Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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