Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
