Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
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