If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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