They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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