apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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