I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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