Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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