Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
