ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
