You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.