Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.