People with herpes should wear stickers.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to