The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize