and you said cock pushups were impossible
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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