Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Drunk is not a location!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
jump out the window naked night went bad
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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