Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
