some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She's the barista slut.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I supernannyed him into submission
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
