I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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