just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
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Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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