Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.