remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.