I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
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Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.